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I've had my phone for a good few years now and apparently this means that when it comes to upgrading, the world is my oyster. Except I'm a simple soul, so I have no idea what I want from a new phone. Hence I'm asking you guys for any suggestions or recommendations!

I suspect the only feature I'm not that fussed about is a camera given that I've got two perfectly good digital cameras already.

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Oh I'm a bad person to ask. My phone apparently has all sorts of interesting gadgets and gizmos, none of which I use. The only thing I have found to be quite wonderful is the radio which I thoroughly recomend.
Being able to phone and text people is quite enough for me. That's why I haven't changed my phone in years, either.
The only modern feature that would interest me is being able to make your own ringtones from mp3 but I can live without that, too.
You can get phones to do anything nowadays. Do you have a separate mp3 player? Would you want one? On your phone?
The more wizzy stuff probably involves having windows mobile installed on it, and you probably wouldn't like that.

I don't have an mp3 player, but then I don't have hardly any music in mp3 format yet. It's still all on CD. I wouldn't mind having some kind of portable music player, but I was thinking of getting a DVD/CD player like sea_cucumber has.

So I guess that probably means no, I don't want one?

probably the best phone out there at the moment (in my opinion) is the Sony Ericsson W810. It's an all singing, all dancing phone with a 2 megapixel camera, an MP3 player and comes with a 512MB memory stick. Since your probably gonna be getting it free, I'd go with that.

I suspect that having not upgraded for at least 3 years, there are going to be very few phones that aren't free.

You want one that transforms into a giant city-crushing robot.

With frickin' lasers.

I hear Sony have a good range of models.

Ooooh!! I like the sound of that! Big stompy robots are cool! :)